July 13, 2003:
QOTW Members:Welcome to the new QOTW members. Your ranks have now grown to 46. There are more of you than there are third-party congressmen in the United States of America. There are more of you than there are species of australopithecine. There are more of you than there are Vanilla Ice fans still alive.
To those of you who have not yet joined the QOTW Honorable Mentions Club: Join now to double your weekly ration of humorous quotes. There's no time to waste.
This week's quotes:
"Whenever I stand up, I feel like Harry Potter when Voldemort's around." -Nora, on her headache
"You are as dense as a neutron star." -Nick
"So, donating money to the science museum is like throwing it into a black hole!" -Roz, feeding pennies into a gravity-well shaped funnel at the Museum of Science
"I think that's what we call an internal transaction." -Jon Miller, in response to the quote "[New York Yankees owner] George Steinbrenner really has sold out to the devil."
"I don't think I could possibly enumerate the number of things I am NOT doing." -Jenn, in response to the question "What's up?"
"Without my glasses I am as blind as a bat with a sore throat." -Nick
"Latin is not very compatible with AIM. Or today's modern youth, for that matter." -Roz
"Ah, the Charles River Whitefish." -Rick, sailor, on condoms floating in the river
"It's changed: they don't have fascism to keep everyone safe anymore." -Roz's mom, on Spain
"Fire extinguisher is next to the stove. It works well, as Ben can attest." -Ellen Miller, mother of Ben Miller, giving instructions to guests
-Ben "sugarcoated for mainstream consumption" Orlin
July 13, 2003: Honorable Mentions
"Time moves strangely in the world of web camerae." -Roz"He's probably like, 'Ok, so this chopping up into pieces and hiding under the floorboards works for me. I think I'll continue, see how I grow emotionally throughout this process.'" -Roz, likening Alex George to the narrator in Edgar Allen Poe's "The Telltale Heart"
"Alex started killer, and poor boy that he is, he's started his own game in Newton." -Roz
"Sam, you are not my vagina." -Isaac, a friend of a friend of a friend
"Gyromatical!" -Ben G., another friend of a friend of a friend
"Arie! Arie! Arie! I'm not in bed!" -Steven, trying to get his camp counselor's attention after "put-to-bed" time
"Joanna says I'm exactly like a ninth grade version of you." -Daniel, to me
"The hefty lefty and the slighty righty. The overhead hammer versus the at-head heater." -Miller, describing the pitching matchup of David Wells vs. Pedro Martinez
Now, chances are that none of you actually understand all those quotes. I'm not sure I understand them all. But good luck anyway.
-QOTW Management
