May 23, 2004:
To all you most devoted Quote[ation] of the week readers,Is there a better way to start your day than my composing a qotw e-mail? No, I say, and so I bring you... the e-mail.
In breaking news, Becca Thal has won this past week's contest for Quote of the Week. It was a grueling fight but in the end, by poking Dylan in the eye with one vote, Becca emerged victorious with her quote "I forgot Mother's Day, so I made repentant French toast. It tasted of guilt."
And now for the nominees:
"Maybe you have guilt in your nose." - Will on Becca's stuffy nose
"When the PA announcer said that Kevin "the greek god of walks" Youkilis was coming to the plate, Becky was very confused; she thought maybe he was a professional chef." - Miller
"I'm down to the last few pages [in my notebook]. I hope we don't learn any more." - Becky
"I plan on skipping out on judgement day. They'll call out 'Julian Hyde? Julian Hyde?' and I'll be out getting a sundae or something." - Julian
"Hey.how you doin' big boy?" - Mr. Phillips to an integral that worked out to 1/(2x) + C
"The Maltatude of merchandise offered by the Sovereign Military Order of Malta is most impressive." - Max Cohen. The SMOM is the world's smallest sovereign states; it sells cufflinks and mugs on its website.
"Chick Flicks depress me. Scandinavian bombings cheer me up." - Mr. Young
"[Seeing my gay friends get married] reminded me that some day I could get married too. Then I remembered that required another person." - Mr. Sherry
"It's vert-e-bra! A support system that's attached to your spine!" - Joanna
"The internet is like a woman; you got to treat her just right or she'll throw water in your face and storm out of the room." - Paul Cavallaro
Now for business. If you'd like to unsubscribe to this e-mail (Why would you want to unsubscribe to this e-mail?) send an e-mail to quoteoftheweek-unsubscribe@qotw.net. If you'd like to subscribe to honorable mentions (it's like quote of the week ++!) send an e-mail to honorablementions-subscribe@qotw.net. And finally if you'd like to pelt me with dungbombs, send an e-mail to...actually, don't pelt me with dungbombs. Before I go, I'd like to remind you to vote (if you don't know how you can visit http://www.qotw.net/howtovote.html). Or maybe what I mean is a bit harsher than 'remind'. Perhaps 'command'. Perhaps I'll show you who your master is if you don't. Happy Voting!
- Micheline "Queen of Extracurriculars" Heal
May 23, 2004: Honorable Mentions
And the little ones that almost made it:"In a past life I wronged the grammar gods, and they sent me Max Cohen." - Julia Cavallaro
"Howard Dean is a republican, right?" - Fiona
"There are two things in life that remain constant: the circle of life, and dead baby jokes." - Paul Cavallaro
"'His muscles rippled like raw fruitbats.' Now that is an active metaphor!" - Daniel
"Girls relate better to the gay side of males." - Evan
"You'd be like the sadistic puppy I never had!" - Conor on adopting Andrea
"Can we canoe still, or do we just have to put a kerry sticker on the canoe and get shot at in new hampshire?" - Evan's cousin Mari, on the possibility of volunteering for the Kerry campaign over the summer versus the possibility of doing a traditional canoeing trip.
"[The scent of human flesh is] more like chicken than pork." - Jenny's mom, Karen Wolf, speaking from personal experience in surgery.
"As long as it was violence and not a question, it's fine." - Mr. Young on a class disruption
"I had a beard trim. Some guy with a zzzer went and zzzed me." - Mr. Young
"It has the consistency of a well done quiche." - John Drew, a Concord Academy biology teacher, on a sheep's brain that his class had just dissected.
"Your face is right next to the word pimp in the dictionary." - Paul, to John Oliverio
- Micheline "Ouch! Hot Stove!" Heal
May 23, 2004: Uncensored
Readers,Noticing that there were a number of censored quotes sitting in the account, and that I had a number of borderline censorable quotes, I decided that it was time for another Uncensored e-mail. Ickle firsties close your eyes:
"They're not ice-cream cones, they're penises in disguise." - Nathan Potter
"Which means I'm out like a boner in sweatpants!" - AJ Machnes, presumably out of his mind
"It's like, who sucks more, people in wheelchairs or retarded people?" - Paul, confused about the Special Olympics
"Why is it called Microsoft and not Macro-Hard? Because that would make too many geeks feel inferior." - Jenny Oberholzter
"So if someone doesn't bang you, you're going to die out." - Alex Vance, learning natural selection
"I can only sleep if I have something on top of me and something between my legs." - Fiona
"If anyone profits off my naked body, it should be me." - Bart Horn on the people who take pictures of naked Harvard students during Primal Scream, and then sell them on the internet
"There are two things I don't break in this life: my promise, and my balls." - Josh Kreiger
"The amount of out they made was absolutely ridiculous." - Joanna, on Jeff & Micheline's relationship freshman year
"At least Mr. Weisman was getting some action." - Ms. Jackman on last years senior skits
- Micheline "pointe shoes are pretty...but I didn't think people could bend like that" Heal
