October 26, 2003:
Dearest Quotificators:Ding dong the witch is dead! Well, no, not really, but the New York Yankees are dead. The Florida Marlins prevailed to steal the World Series away from the devil incarnate (George "The Boss" Steinbrenner). But you don't really care for baseball, do you.
In other news, my mathematical genius has given me several wonderments: the limit as Keanu Reeves approaches emotion does not exist in that very special negative infinity way. Also derrived from complex mathematical algorithmic methods was the winner of last week's balloting:
"Don't try this at home kids. It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye and then it's fun you can't see." - The Whip Boy at King Richard's Faire
Personally, Harry Alper should have won, but I'm like the CIA, I set up evil pseudo-democratic governments and let the people elect some harsh demagogue without influencing the results.
Oh well, the past is past and this week we have ten new bizarre, comical, pressure-cooked quotes just for you.
THE (ahem) NOMINEES:
"One person called Haliburton George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. I don't even understand that; I mean who's doing what to whom?" -Tom Hayden
"I don't own history; I just rent it out at very high rates" -Mr. Young
"I'll give you extra credit for your name, but only if you get it right" -Mr. Sherry
"When you dissociate your past self from your present and future selves things get screwed up. you don't get your homework done" -Orlin
"Would it be a cheap shot to suggest that [Red Sox star, Nomar Garciappara's, fiancé, American soccer superstar,] Mia Hamm is to the Red Sox, what Yoko Ono was to the Beatles? Probably, so let's not do that" -Dan Shaughnessy, revered Boston Globe sports columnist
"The panel of judges decided that Patrick's cake tasted better than his competitor" -writing skills sentence from the PSAT/NMSQT (a.k.a. more proof of the existence of Satan)
"I know squirrels that look a lot like you" -Mr. Davis, to Alex
"Remember, relationships that are formed on the couch, die on the couch" -Matt Kraning, to Alex
"I have an obsessive relationship with sleep. We need to start seeing other people" -Roz
"No, in middle school I didn't smoke dope with the other kids. no, not until high school." -Mr. Harsanyi, on growing up in Berkeley in the '60's and '70's
Remember, voting ends 5:00 PM on Friday and all ballots must conform to the standards set by the management. For a list of rules and regulations:
http://www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html
-Ben "it's not whether you win or lose; it's whether or not you beat the spread" Miller
